BREAKING: Makers of Trojan Condoms Acquire Minority Stake in the LA Kings

LOS ANGELES, CA – President and General Manager Dean Lombardi announced today that Church & Dwight, Inc., makers of Trojan Condoms have acquired a 25 percent ownership stake in the Los Angeles Kings. Citing economic reasons, Phil Anschutz’s company AEG Worldwide completed the deal in the early morning of April 1st. The management team of Trojan will be flying into Los Angeles, CA this morning to begin looking at the organization.

“Church & Dwight, makers of important products such as Trojan Condoms, Nair Hair Removal Products and the nationally known Arm & Hammer brand are pleased to welcome the Los Angeles Kings into our investment portfolio”, the company said in a press release. “It just makes sense. We have been trying to penetrate the Los Angeles market with Trojan Condoms but have been unsuccessful at doing so. We believe that this will help leverage our brand into an exploding market.”

Dean Lombardi, President and General Manager of the Los Angeles Kings said “I don’t expect their to be any change in the way we have been running this team. However, there will some changes that fans may not like at first.”

Church & Dwight and AEG Worldwide announced this morning that the Los Angeles Kings would be changing their name to the Los Angeles Magnums. In addition, the Los Angeles Kings parted ways with fan-favorite mascot Bailey as they will now be utilizing the ever-popular Trojan Man. That night, the Kings Magnums will debut a limited-edition third jersey that night. No word on if the jersey will be ribbed for the fans’ pleasure.

The team will be celebrating this union with a Pleasure Pack Giveaway Night. The first 10,000 fans to Staples Center on April 3rd against the Anaheim Ducks will receive their choice of one Pleasure Pack or Multi-Speed Vibrating Ring.

Defenseman Drew Doughty and forward Wayne Simmonds issued the following joint statement: “As young players in the league who are making more than the average American, we use Trojan Condoms on a regular basis. They keep us from becoming Baby Daddies. We think Trojan Condoms are the right fit for all of the Kings.” The two declined to comment on which brand of Trojan was their condom of choice.